


Irradiate My Heart

by caprithebunny



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drug Use, F/M, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 22:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14578878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caprithebunny/pseuds/caprithebunny
Summary: Arabeth is still trying to find her way in this new world, and along her way, she meets a man who was seemingly the embodiment of this new world... Or was he truly?





	1. First Day in Goodneighbor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arabeth's first, but surely not last, day in Goodneighbor, one of the least popular settlements known.

October 28th, 2287

Arabeth wasn't sure of how she ended up outside of a place labeled “Goodneighbor”, and she wasn't sure if she _wanted_ to know what went on inside. The door was made of thick metal, and was set in a wall made of brick, layered on wooden walls, trash-turned-possibly-useful, and other random materials. The bodies just outside the walls and its closeness to a super mutant base was… Unsettling to say the least. Whoever or _whatever_ lay beyond this jury-rigged wall would have to be tough as nails to say the least.  
She was brought back out of her thoughts by Piper groaning as though she were in pain. “Blue, we must of taken a wrong turn… A _really_ wrong turn, in my opinion. This is the last place we want to be, aside from, say, the Institute’s room for ‘nabbed people.” Her nose was scrunched up in great distaste. Arabeth looked at the sky, it's pink-purple hues now faded into a much darker coloration since the last time she had checked.  
“Like it or not, we’ll need to stay for the night. It’ll be dark soon, and the last thing we need is to piss off whatever that Swan thing is.” Piper’s expression gave the feeling that she was considering the Swan a better thing to deal with, _in the dark,_ than whatever went on in this… settlement. That certainly couldn’t bode well for them if things are that bad…  
Arabeth felt a sinking in the pit of her stomach as she grasped the grimy door handle and turned it. The door had to be pushed to open, and as it did, a loud creak met her ears, as did a smell somewhere between a urine-garbage combo and soiled diapers. It took all of her might not to let her lip curl in disgust at the stench; the last thing she needed was to offend those who lived here. Her eyes were met with the old State House, as well as some other business offices-turned-shop-and-home, and a few scattered people. Most paid her no heed, but the one only a few feet from the door seemed to not have any other interest but her. His leather armors and rough, heavily scarred and pocked face gave off a mercenary vibe, but his cold “you shouldn’t be here” glare sent a chill down her spine. She made sure her face was composed and showed nothing as he approached her.  
“Well, hey there, pretty ladies. Before you go on in to town, maybe you both should get some insurance, to protect those faces of yours.” He leered at the two of them, his eyes seeming to flicker between that cold glare and an almost hateful anger. Piper snorted indignantly, but before she could say anything, Arabeth drew her 10mm, looking down at it as she turned it in hand, the somewhat dull streetlights glinting off of it. Then, her eyes flickered up to him as her thumb silently clicked off the safety.  
“Oh, I don’t know. You might be the one who needs insurance if you don’t back the fuck off and keep your eyes to yourself.” His mouth curved into a snarl, and he had just went to draw his own gun when a gravelly, raspy voice came from the alleyway between the State House and the two shops.  
“Whoa, whoa, time out there.” A… well, she wasn’t exactly sure _what_ the speaker was, but his voice was masculine and he certainly had the figure of a human man, but not quite the looks. He was dressed in the old clothes of John Hancock himself, and had she not felt to nervous and unknowing of the situation, she’d probably laugh her ass off. But, as stated, _this was not the time to be laughing._ “Someone steps through gate the first time, they’re a guest. You lay off that extortion shit.” The man who was previously harassing them both turned away and looked at this newcomer with loathing. He met him halfway, and not knowing what to really do, Arabeth took a few quiet steps towards them.  
What do you care, _Mayor?_ She ain’t one of us.” She could almost feel his dislike for this mayor man come off of him in waves.  
“No love for your mayor, Finn? I said let her go.” The Mayor would have looked relaxed, except for the slightest tension in his back, though she knew… Fin wouldn’t be able to see that.  
“You’re goin’ soft, Hancock. You keep letting outsiders like her walk all over us, one day there’ll be a new mayor.” As the Mayor walked towards Finn, Arabeth noticed a red-headed woman watching both them and her from the alleyway, her eyes not missing a single detail, and the oddest smile on her face.  
“Come on, man. This is _me_ we’re talking about here. Let me tell you somethin’...” The Mayor reached out and grabbed his shoulder. Just as Finn was about to push his hand away, she saw a flash of metal and then he was stabbing Finn. Finn groaned and managed to push him away, but then he could only stumble backwards. He tripped and fell, and she watched in surprised horror as he choked on his own blood, a steady stream coming from both his mouth and a near gush from his abdomen. The Mayor spoke up, just as Finn was dying. “Now, why’d you have to go and say that, huh? Breakin’ my heart over here.” Finn’s eyes went wide, then rolled back into his skull as the blood loss finally took. No matter what had become of the world, surely someone dying couldn’t be so overlooked… Yet no one said a word about it, only moved if the blood got too close to their feet.  
“Sister. Sister, are you alright?” Her thoughts were pulled back by the Mayor person talking to her. His face was gently concerned, and his knife was now nowhere to be seen.  
“I… Yes, I’m fine.” She mentally shook herself, and fully _looked_ at… him? His skin showed heavy scarring and looked very similar to the feral… _things_ she had fought with Paladin Danse on her way to Diamond City. If she remembered correctly, he had called these irradiated people ghouls, though she wasn’t sure if that was a good word for them. “I’m just… still getting used to how things are done nowadays.” His black eyes peered at her, as though searching for something. A few moments of silence later, he nodded, and offered his hand to her. She took it, and found his skin texture to be… _interesting,_ would be a good way to put it.  
“Oh, hell, can’t fault you for that. If you’re a real-deal Vaultie, this must be mind blowin’. Welcome to Goodneighbor, Sister.” His eyes moved to Piper, who looked as though she’d bitten into an especially sour lemon. “Ah, Piper, I haven’t seen you in a long fucking time, but I see your papers on my desk every time a new one’s popped out. I think I saw an article on our little town here.” His… well the remainder of his lips twitched at their corners and he seemed to be trying to not laugh. Piper’s mouth switched between a few different expressions before settling into a sort of pained grimace.  
“Mayor Hancock, my _second_ least favorite mayor in the Commonwealth! Is it true that-” A loud cough came from behind the mayor, from the red-headed woman. She came to stand beside him, her metal chest-piece’s dark red stains dull in the light. Her eyes were nearly slits, and a wave of foreboding seemed to issue from her. Arabeth almost recoiled, but knew better than to seem rude.  
“I’m sure the Mayor has better things to do than be questioned at the moment, Piper. Maybe come by the State House later if you really want to get those answers.” Her voice was void of emotion, except for the slightest hint of… something. All Arabeth knew was that she didn’t trust this woman as far as she could throw her. The mayor laughed, and patted Arabeth on the arm.  
“Anyway, Sister, I think you’ll fit right in here... so long as you remember who’s in charge.” He nodded to both her and Piper, then parted from them and headed for the stairs leading to the State House. She watched as both he and the woman entered, then she turned to Piper, who now wore a look of utter disdain.  
“So… Do y’think there’s some place we can rent a room here? ...And maybe get some food and supplies? We’re running short.” Arabeth gently shook her backpack, the food they had left including a single bag of radstag jerky, some deviled eggs, and a half-pack of Fancy Lads; so, less than needed. A kind, raspy voice came from one of the two shops.  
“If you need supplies, honey, I got all you could ever ask for.”

A couple of hours later, after loading up at Daisy’s and checking out The Third Rail, Arabeth and Piper were now held up in a rented room in the Hotel Rexford, sharing the double-mattressed bed. They scrounged up an old map from Daisy’s older stock, and were now figuring out where they needed to head in the morning.  
“I didn’t think a rescue mission could be so difficult. Couldn’t there just be a bunch of big signs saying **‘Detective Here, Come One Come All’?”** Arabeth grumbled as she tried to not tear the frail map any more than it already was. Piper snorted as she unwrapped another snack cake, taking a large bite out of it as she shined a flashlight at a better angle.  
“C’mon, Blue, we’re gonna end up hurting our eyes trying to do this by flashlight. We’ll take a look at it in the morning; maybe someone can point us in a better direction. Y’know, one that doesn’t end with us getting shot to bits.” She threw the wrapper in the trash bin they’d move next to the bed, then turned back to help Arabeth put the map away carefully. She kept the flashlight up while Arabeth got comfortable in the shared bed, then clicked it off and settled with her back to the other woman. They shared a blanket they’d brought with them (they had brought a blanket and set of easily-condensable sleeping bags just for this occasion; they were using the sleeping bags as sheets as well). Dogmeat curled up at their feet, snuffling into the blanket.  
Arabeth’s thoughts swirled around, thinking about what all had happened today. Her failed attempt to refind the old Park Street Station, her… odd greeting into Goodneighbor, the “ghouls” (who turned out just to be overly irradiated people), the eccentric-ly murderous mayor and his red-headed friend… It was so much to process, and as she fell into her usual nightmares, they danced with the murder of Finn, the alleyway assaults she’d been privy to on her way to the hotel, and the horrid process of becoming a ghoul...

 


	2. Vault Tec, The Memory Den, and Synths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arabeth explores Goodneighbor while Piper sleeps, and maybe finds more than she bargained for. She also later meets Nick Valentine, and finds out some rather... Interesting facts about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started added dates so you guys know how much time has been passing!

October 29 th , 2287

 

Arabeth winced as her eyes just barely opened. Her and Piper's hotel room was full of sunlight on the side opposite to where they slept; it seemed their window curtains didn't do a good job of keeping light out. Rubbing her eyes, she carefully sat up, trying to not disturb Piper. She felt an ache in her back, and a headache trying to ease its way into her head, both likely from her horrible sleep. The sounds of Finn choking were probably forever etched into her mind... 

Shaking herself mentally, Arabeth quietly set her legs off the edge of the bed and stood. The bed softly creaked, but Piper didn't seem to notice; at least one of them would be getting some sleep, she mused. Dogmeat licked at one of her hands, so she gently scratched behind his ears, earning a soft noise of contentment from him. She grabbed one of her extra vault suits from inside her bag, carefully stepped into it, and zipped it up to her waist. She then took the arms of it and tied them around like a belt, with the neck and chest of the suit pressing against her bottom. She then pulled on a dark grey t-shirt and flannel, plaid long-sleeved button up she'd picked up in Diamond City; hopefully people would notice her vault suit less like this. 

Looking back to Piper, Arabeth decided to explore this... well, the words to describe this settlement really didn't seem to be the nicest, but perhaps a second chance was in order. Picking up her gun belt, she put her 10mm pistol against her left side. She hastily scribbled a note explaining where she had went for Piper to find, grabbed her bottlecap bag, softly told Dogmeat to wake Piper up if anyone came knocking or entering, and headed out the door. The hallway held the soft buzz of conversation from the lower floors, and the creak of the old building, as though it were constantly 'settling'. As she started to head down the hall, a room to her right opened, and out stepped a ghoulified man, who was dressed in a ratty yellow fedora and trench coat. He looked oddly familiar... But she wasn't sure why. Upon seeing her, he gasped loudly.

“What...? No. No, it can't be... It... It's YOU! From Sanctuary Hills, right?!”

“Wait... are you from Vault Tec?” 

“I  _ am  _ Vault Tec. Twenty years of loyal service, and now look at  _ me _ . I... I wasn't on the list. But you... Look at you. Two  _ hundred years  _ and you're still perfect! HOW? How's that possible?!” His face shows a mixture of anger and pain; Arabeth felt a sinking feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach.

“The vault had these... cryo-pods that froze us in place. I only thawed out recently.” The man looks confused now, as well.

“Wh-what? Vault Tec never told me that! Unbelievable!” He laughs bitterly, his mouth twisting into an angry frown. “Well,  _ I  _ had to get to the future the hard way. Living through the... filth! The... decay! And the bloodshed! Look at me, I'm a ghoul. A  _ freak _ .” 

“I... I'm so sorry. I didn't know... I'm so so sorry.” Arabeth couldn't think of anything that would even begin to express how horrible she felt over what he was saying. A fresh reliving of that day came to her mind, of the Vault Tec rep being refused and threatened to be shot if he didn't stand down... Then him running away, likely to find shelter. A lump was fighting its way to her throat. 

“Y'know... You're the only other person I met from... before. I, uh, I... Oh, God, I've been so alone here... No Commonwealth settlement wants a ghoul with two hundred years of Vault Tec sales experience!” Arabeth wanted to reach out and hug him, or just squeeze his shoulder to comfort him, but she knew he likely didn't want that. She wracked her brain for something to say.

“Hey, you know... You could head back to Sanctuary. There's a few settlers there and I'll come visit. I promise.” He looked up at her, shocked now. She saw his lips pull up at their corners, and his face relaxed more. 

“R-Really? Not just the crazy robot? And you'll come visit?” 

“Yes! I promise, I'll come visit when I can.” He nodded, looking like he was thinking for a moment.

“Well... Well alright then! I head back there. Don't forget to visit, alright?” She nodded as he turned to leave, and she followed him down the stairs after a few minutes... She had to get her composure back first. 

Exiting out onto the streets, Arabeth had to again try her best not to make a face; the smell of cigarettes and Fred's chem cooking had masked the less than homey scent of Goodneighbor. She saw a few people nod and wave to her from a cooking pot nearby. She waved back, thankful that at the very least,  _ most _ of the people here seemed friendly. She could see more of the town now that the bright sunlight was lighting up most corners of the place. She walked down the street, mostly just searching what she hadn't seen the previous night. She noticed a red building with old dancer posters plastered to it, and a large neon sign saying 'The Memory Den'. In all honesty, she couldn't quite remember what this place had been for, though perhaps something of its past still existed inside. She entered the place, its old door not creaking as much as she thought it would. It looked to be well cared for; much of the posters were in rather good shape, and no cobwebs seem to be around. As she walked into a larger main room, a soft, seductive woman's voice called out to her. 

“You seem to be lost, sweetheart. You don't look like you need the Memory Den.” Arabeth came forward, till she was standing in front of a shortly raised platform that held two women on it. One was working some feet away at a couple of computers whilst the other lounged on a red, velvety chaise; she seemed to be the one who spoke. She was quite a beautiful woman, with fair skin and long light blonde hair. Her eyes watched Arabeth curiously. “Do you even know what we do here, hun?” 

“Well, from the sign I gathered something to do with memories. I heard tales in the Third Rail last night of reliving memories here, as well.” The woman laughed softly, lyrically almost. 

“Yes, that's about right. You see, I sell memories here... Or rather, your own memories, back to you as though you were living them again. And let me tell you, reliving an experience... The  _ right  _ experience, it's far more intense than anything else... but it's not for everyone. Oh, and before I forget to mention it... My name is Irma, and I keep this place intact as you see it.” Irma continued to watch Arabeth, as though waiting to see what she'd do. Arabeth looked at her feet, thinking for a few moments.  _ Could she help me relive some moments with Shaun... and Nate?  _ She looked up again, softly chewing on her lip.

“I know it may not seem like I'd need it, but... Is-is it possible to change your mind? I'm a mother, and... Recently my son was kidnapped. I'm trying my best to hold everything together but... Seeing him again... Might help me more than you'd ever know.” She gave Irma a pleading look, desperate at the thought that something like this could work. The blonde woman's face softened, then saddened. A sympathetic look came to her features, and slowly, she nodded. 

“Alright, sweetheart. Just be warned it can be  _ intense _ . The first time can be rather traumatic but... We can hope it won't be too strong. Now, the best memories for your first time are fresh ones, ones that haven't had too much time pass between then and now. Strong feelings of love and family also tend to be best... Just be warned, we have no idea of which memory we'll be going into... Alright... Go, and take a seat in the lounger and we'll see what we can find.” Arabeth turned away from her, dotting at her watery eyes, then did as she was told. The lounger's seat was soft and warm, inviting her to stay for a good long while. Irma turned to speak to the brunette woman by the computers.

“Doctor Amari! We have a new client. Can you find a memory we can plug into?” 

“What kind of memory are we looking for?” The doctor's voice had an interesting accent, one she hadn't heard before; her voice was rather pleasant.

“Our client is a mother. Look for a memory about her baby.”

“Alright... scanning the hippocampus... I've found something! Very recent. The sync with the temporal lobes is strong!” 

“That-that's the one! Lift the curtain, honey, it's showtime!” Arabeth's vision turns a foggy white, her senses seeming to leave her entirely. She can't hear or feel anything, and her eyes feel like they're beginning to burn. Just as she felt her heartbeat beginning to pick up from her nerves, Dr. Amari's voice filters through the whiteness. 

“Here you are! Your memory... Just relax. We'll be monitoring your vitals on this end.” The whiteness fades, and she finds herself.. Back in her stasis pod, staring at Nate and Shaun. She feels an icy dread flow from her head, down into the rest of her. 

“No... Oh, please no, not this... Not this again...” Her lungs struggle to breath in the icy air, her skin tingles uncomfortably from her fear and the chill. 

“ _ Manual override initiated. Cryogenic stasis... Suspended.”  _ Nate's dark green eyes lock on her, and she feels as though she's trapped in place; her heart was beginning to pound. 

“Vault computers are still working-”

“Oh God, I can't watch this again...” She hears a man's voice overlap with that horrible, scarred merc's, and she's not sure if she's still breathing anymore. 

“Pod C-6, down at the end of the hall-”

“It should have been me. Why didn't they take me?!” A sob chokes her, and she feels hot tears run down her chilled face. They freeze against her cheeks. Two people come into her view, one in a closed environment suit, the other... the  _ merc. _ Her heartbeats so loudly in her ears that she can't hear what they're saying. The pod door opens, and Nate begins to struggle to keep Shaun... The gun is leveled at his chest.... 

“ _ At least we still have the backup. _ ” She feels her chest tighten to painful levels, she can't  _ breath- _

“We're reaching the end of the memory! Please, try to calm down, your blood pressure is spiking! I'll have you out of there in a moment... 3, 2, 1...” Everything fades to white again, and she's taken far away from the merc, the two suited monsters, Nate's body,  _ Shaun, oh Shaun _ ... 

There's a soft hiss as the memory lounger lid opens, and Arabeth opens her eyes to find Irma standing in front of her crypt, a worried expression on her face. She realizes she's panting loudly, and tears are streaming down her face. 

“Easy there, sweetheart... Easy... I'm sorry, so so sorry. I had not idea we'd put you through something so... horrible again. Had I known, I wouldn't have let it happen-”

“No, no Irma it's okay... I understand. You did say you hadn't any idea what memory would be plugged into... I should have warned you...” She rubs at her face, and jumps when she feels a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

“Have you tried to go for anyone to get help on finding your son? I know of a good detective in Diamond City-”

“You mean Valentine? Yeah, I was trying to find him yesterday, but ended up here. I'm traveling with a friend of his; we're heading back out today to hopefully find him...” Irma nods, and gently squeezes her shoulder. Arabeth hears footsteps and when she looks up, the brunette woman is standing there, looking speechless. She's rather older than her voice sounded; maybe in her late thirties or early forties. Her skin tone greatly contrasts from Irma's. 

“I am... so sorry... I can't even begin to express... I... I'm so sorry.” Her mouth opens and closes a few times, then she walks away, nearly tripping on her way back to her computers. All in all, Arabeth isn't sure she'd ever come back to this place, for fear of reliving that moment... ever again.

 

After cleaning herself up in Irma's bathroom, she bid the two ladies farewell and headed out into the streets once more. It was nearing late morning now, based on where the sun was in the sky; Arabeth wondered if Piper was still sleeping. As she was about to head back to their room, she heard Mayor Hancock's voice boom out from somewhere above. Curious, she wandered back to the front of the Memory Den, and then onward to a small paved area below a balcony jutting from the State House. She could see the mayor leaning against the railing, and as she approached, she saw a few people below him. One of which was the shopkeep Daisy, and beside her, Piper with Dogmeat, who seemed to have both of their bags with her. She had her pen and paper pad out, apparently ready to take down anything he said. As she drew near, Piper's gaze flickered to her for a second, then back again as she realized who she was looking at. 

“Blue! Hey, I got your note; I decided to get some supplies at Daisy's while I waited to find you...” She peers closely, and lowers her voice. “Are you okay? You look like you've been crying...” Arabeth shakes her head, overtly aware that the mayor's gaze was directly on them both. Dogmeat whimpered softly, and she shushed him, gently patting his side. 

“We'll talk about it after Mayor Hancock's speech.” In a much quieter voice, she adds, “We don't want to draw too much attention.” Piper nods, turning her hazel eyes back to the balcony, as does Arabeth. When he speech begins, he talks about the hidden menace lurking in the Commonwealth, the monster trying to turn everyone against each other: the Institute. At one point, the talk turns to Diamond City, and she notices he flinches when someone mentions Mayor McDonough... She wonders if there was something that happened specifically between them... At the end, there was a rallying cry about never letting the Institute drive apart their community, and then, the crowd dispersed as Mayor Hancock returned to the State House. Both women are quiet for a moment, taking in what he said. Arabeth could hear Piper's pen frantically writing down all of what she had heard, most likely going to use it for the next issue of Publick Occurrences. 

“Piper. Let's head back to Daisy's and KLEO's to make sure we have all the supplies we need; we don't want to end up stranded with no extra supplies.” She nodded, finished her notes, and handed Arabeth her back. Together, they went to both shops, double checked their supplies, bought some more items just in case, bought several cans of dog food and a clean dog bowl, and headed out of Goodneighbor. Arabeth wondered if she'd ever see that place again, and something in her mind wondered  _ why would she want to? _

 

It turns out that Nick Valentine himself is a synth; a rather rugged, but kind, synth. He reminded Arabeth of old grim noir detectives, and when she'd mentioned it, he laughed and said he agreed: “Those detectives tended to be more interesting though”, were his words. Once they were out of that damned hidden vault, he had asked how she'd known what to tell Skinny Malone. 

“A friend of mine in Sanctuary is... well, she knows things somehow. She told me that the phrase I told Skinny would come in handy later when I met a certain man and woman combo. Glad she turned out to be right.” He had chuckled and nodded, then got down to business. So, an hour later, she had to relive Vault 111 a second time that day, but in less sensory overloading, and now she was behind him as the two of them and Dogmeat climbed the tall, somewhat dangerous stairway up to Kellogg's apartment.  _ Kellogg.  _ She finally had a name to put to the face of Nate's killer, and Shaun's kidnapper. She felt her stomach twist into painful knots, and tried to focus. As they reached the door, Dogmeat pulled on her sleeve. She looked down, and saw concern in the pup's eyes. He whined softly, sitting down in front of her while Nick attempted to pick the lock. Arabeth kneeled down, rubbing the sides of his neck, fluffing up his fur.

“I'm alright, boy. Don't worry. Everything's going to be right soon enough.” She heard Nick grunt, then sigh. She stood back up, and came closer to him. “Is the lock too strong?” 

“Yeah.” His golden eyes looked at me for a moment, then he strolled to the railing of the platform and pointed in the distance to a construction elevator. “You see that? That leads up to the Mayor's office. Maybe you can reason with him to get the key. You've got quite the silver tongue when you need it.” He winked and gave her a small grin, which she replied with in turn.  _ Off to see the jackass Mayor she really didn't like the first time around... Great.  _


End file.
